Isn’t easy to judge others? I think so. Isn’t it easier for us to accept others the way they are sometimes?
What about accepting ourselves? How about accepting our own differences? I have this tendency to compare myself to others. I don’t do it on a regular basis, but I take notes and measure the differences. I use to feel threatened by others accomplishments, abilities, or even their attributes. I would match up my physical appearance with that of a woman in a poster. I didn’t pay any attention to the fact that the picture was probably air brushed and made the model to appear more perfect than she was.
I had a mentor that told me this statement once and I have to go back to it periodically. “There will always be another girl or woman that is prettier, thinner, more educated, well at most everything, looks like she holds it together pretty well and better than you do. The truth is she doesn’t have it all together.”
I have to meditate over these words sometimes, even today. I have to realize that all of us have limitations, differences, and struggles. I must accept others as they appear or at least realize that their appearance might be a mask and they are wearing a sign that says “I need to feel important, or pretty, because inside I don’t feel that way.”
I had to accept my own differences. I had to make a list of things that made me up to be me. The hardest act of confidence I had to grasp, was accepting myself. I am not thin, I don’t wear a lot of makeup anymore, I don’t wear acrylic nails, and I don’t dress like a magazine model. The best part, the most exciting part, the joy that I receive from writing that list is “I AM OKAY.” I had a very difficult time with this act of change for over a year. I learned that my differences from others are alright because they make up who I am.
Oh, I did try to be someone else. I changed my hair style to look like a friend of mine. I changed my style of clothes I wore to match another friend’s fashion. Yes, I studied another woman’s mannerisms and I tried to take those on as my own also. My mentor came back to me and said something else profound that made my light bulb go off. “You can change your clothes, the way you talk and walk, but your heart is what matters the most and makes you unique.” Okay that made me fill up with tears of sadness and I began questioning “ what I was doing to myself?”
Have you heard another woman (I can’t speak for men; sorry) say “I’ve lost myself.” I was on an adventure to find myself. You may have seen the movie “The Runaway Bride.” The bride was conforming herself to like and dislike what her boyfriends liked and disliked. There is a scene where she finds out what kind of eggs SHE likes, she began finding herself. I had to take time to find out my likes and dislikes. I took the time to find out what activities I enjoyed being a part of. I had to find out what pleased ME and not others.
I had another friend say or ask me these words, “No one can expect more out of you when you give them your BEST. What more can you give them? Did you give them your best today? After all today is all you have.”
I had to learn and accept that my differences from others are okay and that is what makes up my unique heart.
Oh I still compare myself with others, but I am more pleased with myself than I was years ago. I love myself as I am and I accept myself as I am. I am a failure some days, a survivor most days, and I love myself all the time. Okay maybe that last one is too much. I don’t even like myself some days, but I am alright with that. I have this saying “I am better today than I was yesterday and I will be better tomorrow than I am today.” I say this to myself to give myself permission to live in today. I always wanted to run to tomorrow. I didn’t have time for today. My plans were wrapped in what I was doing tomorrow and the next day, and the next, and the day afterwards. I had to learn one day at a time. It may sound redundant or even lame to you, but I had to learn how to enjoy one day at a time, a 24 hour period.
I had to slow down and realize that one failure doesn’t make me a total mistake. I made a list of “Marjorie’s blessings.” This list first consisted of BIG things like my home and car. Then the next day it got smaller, thank you for my pillow, the blanket and sheets that cover me, the ceiling that is about to fall apart but covering me from the rain outside. I then began to look at myself, my skills, and my attributes. Everybody has something that they don’t like, no matter how well put together they are.
If you are comparing yourself to others and finding yourself asking “what is wrong with me?” There isn’t anything wrong with you. You are a unique person with a unique heart. It is time to become an explorer and find out what makes you who you are. What do you like? What do you dislike? What makes you who you are? What do you believe in? If you don’t stand for something you WILL fall for anything.
Be all you can be, know that being different is okay, count your blessings and know you are only measured by what YOU choose to measure yourself against.
Be an explorer and enjoy finding out what the world holds for you, “You are the pearl and the world is your oyster,” a quote from another very good friend of mine.
So imagine, being lifted up, dusted off and being pat on your butt and sent on your way to explore the world and all it holds for you.
Jesus loves you and I do too, Marjorie
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