To Do or Not to Do?

Recently I committed myself to attend an event, but did so with reluctance. The reasons I had were good ones, or so I thought.  I rationalized that it was going to be unpleasant and I wasn't equipped to do it anyways.
Little did I know that there was going to be a lesson for me.
I had to first come to the definite realization that I made a commitment to attend. This commitment lead me back to my saying "I want to be a woman of my word." So, yes I will attend. Up until last night I was fighting tooth and nail that I wasn't going to go, besides I have two weeks before the event happens. People will forget that I was asked to attend.  Nope.
God distributes gifts to each of us. Some have the ability to play a piano or some other instrument, another might be a poetic writer, or some (like me) was given a voice to sing. I've even had my friends hear me sing and ask why I am not in the choir. My very pleasant and honest answer is "some people in the congregation need help too."
I still firmly believe it doesn't matter where you stand as long as you sing to praise the One who gave you the gift.
Well here it is, two weeks before the event and I know what song I am suppose to sing. I don't want to sing it.
The song is "In the Garden." I didn't want to sing it for the sheer fact that it was played at my dad's funeral and the second is the event that I am to sing at is on Father's Day, June 19th. How am I suppose to sing a song that has such depth meaning to me and it's only been less than 5 months since my dad passed away. Well God provided away.
I was with a friend when we pulled up the song on YouTube and listened to it. I quickly ran out of the room just at the first note and words, crying. I could stand to listen to it. As I cried, it felt like my heart was being split open, it HURT! It was truly as if someone had taken a knife and split me open at my breast bone and cut to my heart.
I now call this "God's sensation of heart surgery."  I cried so hard. I tried singing the song to make it better, but it didn't feel better, it still hurt.
After a while my friend and I talked it over and made the decision to make new memories with this song. So I began the journey of walking in the Garden with Jesus as Adam and Eve did in the cool of the day.
My tears began to dry up, my attitude changed from sad to happy or semi happy. Now, I cannot get the song out of my head nor off of my heart.
It's funny when I think about it, but here is one song "In the Garden" when another song comes after it "It Is Well With My Soul." I choose to surrender to all that God wants to change inward than what I'd rather project outward.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,  while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NKJ)

In your journey today are you holding steady and letting God do a good work in you or are you fighting him?
When you increase your dependence on God, amazing things begin to happen that YOU couldn't do on your own.  So why not step back, look at your current situation and surrender it to the one who already knows what is going to happen? He wants to give you his BEST and you won't even come close to that on your own.  It's a mistake to make a permanent decision based on a temporary circumstance or changing emotion.

Step out in Faith with me
~Marjorie