My husband asked me, "Do you think what I do is useless and unnecessary?" I didn't know what he was talking about exactly so I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Yes." Boy, this made him upset, he turned and walked out the back door. I shrugged my shoulders again and said, "okay, that's that." Two weeks have passed and nothing was said on the subject again. I thought all was alright.
Then this past week, we've had another problem. We are using one car and we work in different cities. I travel north, he travels south. He begins work at 7:30 in the mornings, I begin work at 9:00 in the mornings.
He didn't want to miss work (which he is a contractor, so he's more flexible with this schedule) and I didn't want to go to work three hours early. It has been a battle field.
One morning during my quiet time, the Lord showed me that we have a problem. We do not speak His love language. He tells us in Ephesians:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
I agreed we love one another. I agreed, I have a problem submitting to him, but he doesn't have a problem with loving me nor I him. So what is the problem? It came down to a few words; "as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." What does that mean? It's simple.
Christ submitted to the Church via of sacrificing himself and he gave Himself for her, sacrifice again. My spouse and I were not sacrificing for the other. My husband didn't speak to me clearly and I asked God what he meant with his words and this is what God showed me. Rodney was asking me, "Do you respect me for what I believe in and what I do?" and I wanted to know from Rodney that he loved me so much that he would sacrifice going to work at 9:00 AM to help me get to work by 8:30 AM.
We were playing Tug-of-War.
I went to Rodney and expressed my understanding of his question two weeks ago and I explained how I would like for us to compromise with the use of the one vehicle, the air was clear.
God showed me that in our society today, we are so consumed with living to "get along" and refuse to sacrifice for one another in the name of Love. We do not communicate in our world today. It is better for the wife to come home only to have her husband ask for her to serve him after she has served others all day and follow through with his request. Instead of speaking up and say something in love and peace such as; "Honey, I really would like to get you something to drink, but right now I need to decompress." "I had a hard day at work." I believe the evening just might go a little better.
I'm no expert by no means, I do not have a PHD is psychology but I am working on my own communication skills. It has helped my spouse and me to be more respectful and loving to one another. I'm working on how to show more respect to my husband since I know this is a big problem of mine.
~Be encouraged, Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
