A Perfect Love

Psalm 139:14
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.


1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I have been pondering on these two verses lately and I know that I have been growing in who God is as the one who loves perfectly and creates perfectly.
Today I am sad though. Today is my son's 24th birthday and I don't know how his spirit is today. You see we don't talk much anymore. He has his life of working odd hours and doing whatever makes him happy. I feel castrated from his life. Not that we haven't tried to make mother/son dates, but life seems to always happen. Sometimes I believe that the devil in him doesn't like the Jesus in me. Other times, I wonder if my past mistakes keep him from me. Have I hurt him so bad that he hates me, his mother?
What I am learning is that God created him and is watching over him. I have this fear that I will never see him again, except through pictures or other's conversations. What I know to be true and what I feel are completely two different things.
My heart is broken and I know that God has that perfect love to cast out my fear. I keep asking none the less, "what have I done that was so wrong?" I had a friend ask me that same question not too long ago. Perhaps my response is the same for my son. "You've done nothing wrong,"
So, here I have this empty black hole in the center of my chest. It's ironic, when my son was younger I would look for the world to fill this emptiness and today I run into the covering of Christ and His perfect love.
I would say that is growth.
Growth, hmmm? I wonder how my son has grown? I find comfort in knowing that God knows and has all the answers I need.
I can only imagine what it is like for a mother that is totally separated from her child. My heart breaks because my son who is alive and lives an hour away doesn't communicate with me. I should count my blessings, right?
Yes, perhaps that is the answer, I should list my blessings in relation to my son and take them in prayer to the Father who created him and made him fearfully and wonderfully made. I should take the Father's love and wrap myself in it and pray with my internal love for my son in hopes that the Father would touch my son's heart too.
The word tells us that God loves a broken and contrite heart. I am sure he is basking in mine then.
I look around in my new place and I see my daughter's photos all grown and with my grandson. Then I turn and there are photos of my son, no more than 10 years old.
I am not trying to cry a river or sulk in self pity. I share this with you in hopes to accomplish sharing with you that no matter how life happens and we get a raw deal; God's perfect love is like an anointment cream. God heals all wounds. I trust in Him more than I do in the tears and fears I sit in.
God is gracious, a just God, a righteousness from heaven, royalty, and worthy to be praised even in the midst of our darkness.
Do you ever feel unloved? Do you ever feel like you wish you weren't born or wonder what you were created for?  I have. What I know to be true now is that I am loved, wanted, and though not needed, I am worth dying for. Why you might ask? Because I have received the love of Jesus in my heart and I have the Son and the Father make their home in me. WOW! Now that is a God size thought isn't it?
I encourage you today that if you are so dark inside that you want your next fix of drug, alcohol, chocolate, or whatever from the world that helps you feel better; there is nothing more fulfilling that God's love. He has a perfect love for you and you can cast ALL your cares upon him and he will love you with an everlasting love. His love is no comparison to the love of money, stuff, and things. His loves doesn't compare to man, woman, or child.
So just for today, refocus your hurts onto Jesus' love and let him heal your broken heart.
I am, I will, and I have.

May God's hand be upon you today and may you KNOW it.
~Marjorie