Who is God Anyways?

If you know me there is a pretty good chance you know that I have a love in my heart for Jesus Christ of Nazareth. You would also know that I would want to please God from my heart. I have questioned who I was in Christ for the past year. I am so thankful that God sees you and me in the inner most parts of our being. This means He knows the cries of our hearts that we keep hidden inside. He sees the pain and hurt deep inside our soul, and He is the only one who can do heart surgery at that depth of our being.

I am a sinner, I am like an unclean thing, and all my unrighteousness is like that of filthy rags. I was being lured into believing that the God whom had saved me many times over from death, was waiting for me to mess up again. I was lured into the lie that I didn't know this loving kindness of a Father who has wrapped himself around me wasn't the God I thought He was. I have written, spoken, and shared how God is loving, kind, gentle, and soft spoken. I was lured to believe that I was calling Him by the wrong names, I was not of God if I was not speaking His language, and that I wasn't put on this earth just for him to love me.
I got so mad at Him that I threw my Bible that I have eaten like a chocolate cake under the bed. I swore I was not going to read this book anymore because someone is lying to me. I was taught that Jesus was the Word and He cannot lie. Yet, if I made one wrong move, I was damned to hell.
This was a heavy burden for me to carry, especially when I have carried a burden for so long that weighted me down like a five ton crate. God told me that His yoke is easy and His burden is light; who is lying?

I was beginning to question everyone's walk with Christ. Who is right and who was wrong in their worship of the Lord Jesus Christ. Where did the freedom that Jesus Christ gave on the cross? What about the man that because of the way he looks isn't received in the church building by the "Christians?" What about him? I was led to believe that if he was to walk the isle, I had to question his salvation.  Yet, I learned that God was the only one who knew that man's heart, not me. Who is lying to me?

I did not want to believe that the God who wrapped His arms around me when I was broken, was now laughing at my broken heart. I did not want to believe that the son of God that died on the cross for me, wasn't the same son of God that I had learned about in my early believer's walk.

I began questioning every Pastor whom I had learned from that helped me walk closer to God. I had to question if he was a true believer in Christ. Do you know how heavy this is?

I do not want God's job. I don't want to judge anyone lest I be judged. Who am I? I can't see the man walking the isle. I can only see what is written in the word and compare it to the word coming out of someone else's mouth. Yet, I was wrong if I didn't judge.

Now, I am totally confused. I don't want this God that stands with a stick ready to punish me when I walk outside the lines.  NO!  The God whom I love is gentle and kind. The God I came to know is patient and trustworthy. I am not God and I do not have to live this way, or do I?

None of us know the struggles you face on a day by day journey when you don't share.  People ask, "how can I pray for you?" Sometimes, you really do not know how to answer that question, do you? Especially when you are questioning your walk with Jesus.

I have cried many a days asking God who He really is. I have cried many a days yelling at God about how confined I feel inside. Being underwater and not being able to catch your breath, tightens your chest to the point of hurting. This is the pain I have been experiencing for a long time.
I was dying inside. It is really easy to put on a false personality when you are expected to have a great life.

You see, just as I don't know if a person truly accepts Jesus as Lord when they walk down the isle, other's don't know what pain is in that person's heart if it isn't shared.

Yes, I am a sinner. I am filthy rags. I am saved by the blood of Jesus Christ that died on a cross just because He loves me. I want to be loved by God. I want to be overwhelmed with the love that Jesus has for me. I don't want to be kept from believing that my God is who He says He is.  I don't ever want to be separated from the love that I have come to know. My soul and spirit has been stirred up, stepped on, and quenched many times over and I don't have time for that.

Do you have a heavy heart too? Do you want to be loved not based on how you look, walk, talk, or believe? God loves you just where you are. Do you want to have a light heart? Confess with your mouth that you are a sinner, that Jesus is the son of God, and ask him in belief to come into your heart. Ask him to lift this heavy burden that you are carrying around. Believe Jesus is who He says He is. Don't let anyone make you to be double minded. Thank Jesus for coming into your heart that you may live a life free from condemnation.

~Be encouraged to know that no matter how long you've been walking with God, He is still mighty to save.

References:
Isaiah 64:16
Matthew 11:28-29
Romans 6
Galatians 5:22

Lemon Bars of Life

They are bright yellow like the sunshine on a really hot day, soft and fluffy like the cotton balls in your hand, and when you bite into them they are bitter sweet like the troubles in our lives.
Maybe you don't like lemons because they are tart but how about a ruby red cherry with the pit in the center of it? I love food, sometimes too much. However, today I cannot get my mind off of these lemon bars. Not only are they bitter sweet but I relate them to life.
The light and fluffy are the laughing you do to lighten your load and lift your heart into a safe and happy place.  When you go through trials it is hard to remember the laughter. It is true though, when you laugh you feel better. When you are experiencing heaviness, it is alright to praise and sing and delight in something good, like a lemon bar.  Perhaps that is why God tells us, "A cheerful heart is good medicine."

The lemon filling in the center is either sweet or sour and the sour makes your lips pucker. Of course, you might make it with more sugar than lemons.  Life is like this isn't it? You can have messes in your life and either it is sweet or sour.  It's all in your perspective of how good the filling inside is determines your view of the mess. The sweetness is like sitting outside on a sunshine day enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend and the sour is like that of an argument that never ends.

The best part about this lemon bar called life is that when it mixes together their is such a bitter sweetness to it.

I believe Jesus spoke of this in the book of James. He tells you to count it all joy when you fall into various trials. For these trials are what will determine your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  You can find comfort knowing that no matter what sour taste you bring to your life and those around you, Jesus loves the sweetness in you. He loves with an everlasting love. He is your rock and your fortress in whom you can run.

So my friend, be encouraged, you can run to the secret places of God. He knows the depth of your hurt and sorrow.  He wants to give you life and give it in abundance. Run to Jesus today and taste the sweetness of the center of the lemon bar.

Weathering Relationship Storms

In one of my devotions today I read the following two lines. 
Jesus says that if we really love God, we will really love each other. We are never more like our Father than when we choose to weather relationship storms with kindness and love.

I was a runaway. I ran from relationships instead of running into them. I didn't care to row the boat or ride the bicycle built for two, but instead throw the oars into the water or jump off the bicycle. It was much easier that way. But today, I have a different approach. I desire not to throw in the towel, throw my hands up to give up, but instead keep pushing through the mud to get out of the mud puddle. The rowing is difficult, but worth it. 
I was reminded of those famous words my mother use told me one day long ago; "marriage is work." I thought to myself in sarcasm,  "yay, right!" But what I have learned is "yes, she is right." I have felt like I've been rowing the boat up stream while the river flows down stream. I thought I was pleasing God in my efforts, only to find out that this might not be true. Until reading this certain devotion, I wasn't weathering the storms with kindness and love. Nope, I showed my attitude and was going to get what I wanted to get out of the argument or relationship. 

I am very thankful that our God is a loving God, tenderhearted, all knowing, and loves us even when we don't play nicely with others. 

I have found that weathering storms in our relationships with kindness and love, makes for those relationships to be stronger and lasting a lifetime. 

~Be encouraged, when you find that right person to row the boat with the ride feels so much smoother. 

Cartoons in the Imagination!

I love cartoons! I love watching the cartoons in my head even more. Yep, I can listen to Adventures in Odyssey on 91.3 Hope FM Saturday mornings at 8:00 AM.  Now, I am a mother, of a 26 and 27 year old, and I am a grandmother, of a young boy I do not get to see everyday. However, I am young at heart and using the imagination keeps my mind young in thought. So, why not try listening to the cartoons in the imagination station and keep your mind young?
Now that Summer is here, are you wondering what you can do to keep occupied? Perhaps you're wondering where to find the closest summer camp.

 If you are wondering what you can do to learn while school is out; I have a suggestion; try A.C.T.S. through Adventures in Odyssey. This is a great opportunity to get your children involved in learning about discipleship through acts of service. You see the greatest act Christ did for us was dying on a cross. The lowest act Christ did, was washing the disciples' feet. Now, we have the same opportunity to teach our children to put discipleship into action.
There are many fun things you can do to learn about serving, such as serving your family. Plan a time to wash a family member's car; this could be a brother, sister, uncle, or an aunt.
How about cleaning out a closet or room and give the items to a charity?
Next, help your community by serving at the local food bank. This might be a place to hand food out or a food kitchen. It might even be to cook a dinner for a local family or invite a family over for dinner. The last idea I have is to make a homeless bag filled with a water bottle, a snack, and a card.
Last you could learn to serve in YOUR world. Maybe there is a veteran who served in the military in your neighborhood. Go visit him, ask questions, and then pray for him and his needs. You will not only make a new friend, but learn and love all at one time. Perhaps you could get ready for bed without your mom, dad, or grandparent telling you its time. These are short ideas to help you get started. For these and other fun ideas visit http://www.whitsend.org/FeaturesView/ACTS.aspx. I promise you will be a better person for starting it.

Did you know that by serving in your community, sharing what you did to serve, collect 12 hours of service, you could win some really great things from Adventures in Odyssey!

Get started today and learn as you put discipleship into action.

Learning About Yourself

Do you have days when you find out things about yourself?  I learned a lot of things about myself that I didn't like and need to change. First, let me say, counseling comes in many different forms and all of them can be good for your health. It can be good for those around you too. What I know to be true is that we don't have to stay in counseling for a lifetime. Shew, that was good news to me.
Yep, I went to counseling for three remarkable days. In this fast pace time, I learned that I believed that difficulties meant that something was wrong in my marriage and it was over.  Yep, I was ready to run when difficulties came. I began to isolate, become inverted, dive deeper into projects going on around me, and worse, prepare myself because my marriage was doomed for failure....again.  I was preparing for divorce.
I didn't like myself and I began changing some of my eating habits, lacked exercise and fitness, worse my attitude was changing.  I was drowning in my own demise. The worse part, was that my guy had NO CLUE. What I found out is that I was not being fair to him.
I found out the truth.  I have learned that difficulties do not mean something is wrong with my marriage. My response to difficulties will and can either drive my spouse and I apart or it will bind us together. This was very freeing. I can now face problems in my marriage with the attitude that we will get through this instead of this will end us. I can talk about what is bothering me instead of dancing around the problem and ignoring it. My wall doesn't have to come up, I just have to stop layering the bricks by talking about things regardless of how it is received. Last, I must have a plan to move through these difficult times without rejecting or withdrawing from my guy.
Next, I learned that I keep my house dark.  Now, I have lived in a home where I had one window and little light shine through. Therefore, I got use to a dark home. But, now I live in a home that doesn't have to be dark inside; I just make it dark. Is  this a form of habit? Maybe. Is this a sign that I was beginning to get depressed? Possibility. Well it is time to let the sunshine through! I am over 40, I am not prepared to grow old, but it is going to happen. I just don't have to act like I am dead yet. With this being said, bright colors are in my future, changing my style because I want to and can. I've realized that I like myself and bright things make me happy. I use to worry about what other people thought about my wardrobe. Do I look my age or am I looking too young?  I don't care anymore. I don't have to impress anyone, just like me for me. By changing from dark to light, our attitudes change too.
The last thing that I found out about myself is that I am timid when it comes to PDA (Public Display of Affection). I was shocked when I discovered this about myself. Wow, didn't see that one coming. By traveling back in time, I remembered numerous times I was given the wrong types of public display of affection and this embarrassed me.  I didn't say anything back then because I thought all women were disrespected that way. Now, my guy shows me the right kind of affection in public and I still was timid. By exploring my feelings about PDA and talking things through with my guy this weekend, we came to an agreement. We have made up "secret agent codes and kisses." We want people to see God's love for us and to do that we must mirror God's image. Therefore, God is love and one form of love is kissing. Now I'm not talking about french or drool kisses, but respectful "I love you" kisses. You know, we've tried them and I am more comfortable then ever in my entire life. This just might be fun after all.

You can have this same type of counseling. Yep, it is available to you too. I recommend you go to www.familylife.com/weekend and find out where a location is coming near you and attend.  It is very much worth the trip. One last thing I learned that I did not know.  With our without children in our lives; the husband and wife make up the family, the kids are the extension of.

~ Be encouraged
You are not alone when it comes to how you feel about yourself or your marriage.

Silence Isn't Always Golden

I have not written on my site for a while because I have so many things running through my heart and mind.
What I do know is that silence is not always golden. God put us with people so that we can converse with one another, love one another, care and pray for each other. But when we get silent, the negative side of us comes out. We begin to worry, stress, become anxious, fearful, and side with the spirit of torment.
I've heard that silence is a form of rejection, but is it really?  I think of silence as a positive thing too.  I would rather be silent and bite my tongue than spew off at my mouth and say something that I will regret later.

I hope that if you are going through a struggle of some kind; talk it out with someone close to you.

Don't keep things bottled up inside and make yourself a personal prison; it won't help you to feel good.

God put people in our lives so that we can edify one another and not break us apart. Like I recently told a friend of mine, if you are in the negative ways of thinking, get a foam bat from the Dollar Tree, bring it home and beat your bed until you cry. Trust me, you will feel better after a good hard swing or 50.

Whatever you do, don't keep silent; it can put your body into a twist that even a pretzel can't get out of.

~Be encouraged, I've beat a bed or two in my time too. It works if you work it.