How many times have you looked at a picture of yourself and thought "I look awful!" Then the rest of the day you are feeling bad about yourself? I have been there many times.
When I was a teenager, I would wake up disoriented and not knowing where I was along with looking at my fingers and seeing them literally fat and meaty. My face would feel numb and tingling. As long as I had remembered before turning the ripe age of 21, I weighted 97 pounds. When I was pregnant with my second child, I finally hit the ripe weight of 108. I was excited because I could give blood!
Weight has been an issue for me although most of society would say the opposite. Going back to when I was a teenager, I did a report in high school for anorexia and bulimia after hearing about Karen Carpenter dying from an eating disorder. Due to my interest in her death, that report kept me from being either one of those. None the less, mirrors were not my friends.
Next, I got a little older and the issue was still with me. This time, I saw myself in pictures and definitely didn't (and still don't) enjoy seeing myself. My hips were too wide, my nose is too big, my smile takes over my face; don't mention my chin(s). I despise getting my pictures taken. I see myself distorted and ugly.
I had a mentor that said to me "if you don't like what you see, change it." Well that is all it took for this girl to hear and do something. I began to workout, eat less, but the camera kept showing me something different. So, I decided it doesn't work to do all this and quit; wrong choice.
I gained twenty pounds and up to 146 at the age of forty four. I didn't like scales but when you join curves they take your measurements and weight. Yep, wow, I grew wide, and again, I didn't like what I saw.
It wasn't until recently that I truly decided to make an honest effort at slimming down. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I want to see myself in a picture and like what I and others see. So I did something about it.
I began trotting, jogging, running, Psykofit, jump ropes, jumping jacks, and other activities. I've slimmed down; for me.
How about you, what do you want to change? I encourage you to talk to a friend and get some insights on how they feel about themselves because you soon will learn that you are not alone.
Recently, I had a little talk with Jesus about my negative attitude towards myself. I was upset. Then one day, it was like the light bulb went off.
I was at work and people began telling me how good I looked and wanted to know what I was doing. I hadn't given it much thought since recess had become part of my daily routine. I was sitting near a mirror that helps me to see who is coming in the office from my desk. I realized as I was looking in it up close and saw the same distorted image in my head through this mirror. I then called my young and thin coworker to the room and told her what I needed her for. I realized I've been seeing myself as lie. Satan will use anything to get us to steal, kill, and destroy ourselves. Our eyes are made like a lens of a mirror or camera and we can see figures distorted the same way as mirrors / cameras. It was at that moment my light went off. I want eyes like Christ. I want to see myself the way God does. I don't want to be so concerned with my looks anymore. I will work out to keep myself fit and taking care of this temple, but I refuse to agree with the way Satan sees me or wants me to see myself.
I'm shadowboxing my way through life. At times it is a struggle to fight so hard, but I want to be free from condemnation. I want to free from death and the lies that buy into every day. I know it is going to be fight as long as I am alive. I know there are things I can do to keep myself encouraged and strengthened to make sure I don't relapse and see myself like Satan does. I am willing to change my distorted images, are you?
~ Be encouraged by knowing that the way you see yourself isn't always how Jesus sees you. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are worth more than rubies and diamonds. You can live in faith and not fear. You are an overcomer. You are hopeful and helpful to yourself and others. Stop believing the lie and step into the truth, run to it if you have to, but just move forward.
Proverbs 31:10
John 10:10
Genesis 1:27
