It Is Well With My Soul...not always

I and others had a pretty busy week with raising funds for 91.3 Hope FM.  It was a time of great peace, joy, excitement, and much more. I am very grateful to be part of such a grand ministry of God's.
I recognized I had a control issue and a work-aholic mind set. God showed me a few things about myself during the week and to the end.  I hope that you will allow me to share with you my lesson.
I am always desiring to do God's will and work, I surrendered each day to His desire and did as he led me to do things or not do something.  I believe I changed in the last day. I remember praying God's will be done, but walking away from prayer ready to sit at the computer, punch numbers, make reports,and make changes as needed. I was in the driver's seat, or so I thought. 
At the end of Friday day four, I, and others, were exhausted; ready to pack up and rest.  I got home and found that I couldn't rest.  I was on an adrenalin high. I felt I needed to keep working, so I did a few things on the the computer and then my computer wouldn't let me back on the website. Coincidence? I don't think so.  I believe God wanted to show me that He sits on the throne and not me.
As I started to decompress, thoughts of what I could do to help us reach our final goal began to annoy me. I wanted to get on the the website so bad that I could taste it.  I finally turned my computer off and surrendered. 
Yet, because I was tired and my defenses were down, Satan used it to attack me. I heard how I was the one that was responsible for us not crossing the finish line with the set goal. I had the power to change the numbers by doing things differently.  I listened to the yucky pucky thoughts so much that I was in tears for most of the night and early the next day. I took on the oppression of the devil telling me that I was better off dead than to face the world with what I didn't do. Oh, yes, my friend I was at an all time low.
BUT GOD!
You see, God showed me differently one moment at a time. My spouse and best friend kept telling me that I did what God wanted me to do, I was obedient to him, I didn't have that much power and that God knows my heart. I counteracted with everything he said with "yay but."
I reached out to a friend who encouraged me the same, friends loved on me with a wedding shower where I felt very loved, and I went to a bible study ready to go to sleep, but the Lord showed me his compassion there. He also spoke the words of my beloved through two of my female friends, Chris and Ann Marie. By Sunday morning, I was listening to Pastor Kirby talk about the Holy Spirit and how he works through us. I sat in the teaching with tears streaming down my face because the Holy Spirit was using the Pastor's words like an antibiotic ointment on my heart. I went to the front to ask my daddy to forgive me for thinking I could control things, I handed the numbers over to him, and let him work in our community and on the hearts of others the way He chooses and not me.  The Lord told me himself that "no one is perfect except the Son of God, my Son."  Then I heard again from someone else that repeated the same exact words.
I walked away Sunday morning refreshed and renewed. "It is well with my soul" just as the song says.
Then later that morning, Psalm 86 was read and it was more ointment being spread over my wounded heart. "For great is your mercy toward me and You have delivered me from the depths of Sheol." 
Psalm 86:13
"Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up." James 4:10
Later on Sunday evening, God gave me the opportunity to teach nine youths between the age of 13-17 about Him.  When it was all over, I had the chance to ask the oldest one if there was anything I said that touched his heart, or changed his thought about God.  Chris replied "when you said that God cares about the small stuff in my life like the cereal I eat. This brought him closer to me than thinking he just cared about my week."  "I understood what you were saying too."
You see my friend, if I had not ran to Papa and told him what I did was wrong and surrendered, he couldn't use me to help someone else come closer to him.
I ask you, what are you holding onto that you think you have control off, but really you just need to surrender?  Make it well with your soul, it will do you good.

~Marjorie
91.3 Hope FM is an ongoing ministry on the air waves. If you have not had the opportunity to donate your gift or pledge click on the link provided and do it today. Every little bit adds up to a heap and God will do amazing things with it.  We humbly appreciate your help in keeping our doors open to help others, encourage others, pray for others, and glorify the Lord Almighty daily. Won't you share Jesus with someone today?