Trusting in the Dark

It seems to have been a long time ago since I have felt so lost, but I have been these past few days. Most of you know that I have had many changes come in my life over the coarse of nine months. I have had so many great days and I still am.  I am experiencing love like I've never truly allowed myself to experience before. I am growing and I can feel the changes taken place because they are unconventional, strange, bewildering, and down right uncomfortable.
I am transforming from being lead by God Almighty to being lead by a man of God. This is the unfamiliar territory that has me feeling shredded inside.  I clung to the scripture from Romans 3:4 that said "Let God be true and every man a liar." I had to keep my guard up because I expected bad things to happen due to different circumstances. It's not that way today and in this new relationship I have trust, admiration, interest, and attachment.
No, my transformation is allowing God to use my spouse to lead me and I am to trust him. Have you ever played  the game called "Trust?"  There are many variations of it but this one takes two people. You wear a blind fold and your partner has to lead you around an obstacle course or vice versa.   You are in the dark, vulnerable to objects around this course and you have to trust this person is going to keep you safe from harm. This is the best way I know how to describe where I am at. I am that blindfolded person. I am placing my trust into someone I have confidence in and yet there are traps set before me all over by Satan himself.
Now, I am moving in one direction with my partner having a clear vision as to what he is suppose to do, but I am in the dark. God hasn't revealed to me what my part is in ministry, what my responsibility is or will be, and yet I have to trust in what God has revealed to my husband.
As I write this I wonder if I have a pride issue; uh oh! Maybe it isn't pride but independence that is shifting my ground. I was an independent woman. I took care of my bills, meals, car, rent, problems and God always showed me why I was doing ministry where He placed me. God didn't hide anything from me; until now.
What are we taught? Hebrew 11:11  "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  So, as I will pull up my big girl pants, I am going to stop my crying, whining, and disgruntled attitude and change my perspective. I am willing to change for the better.
Oh please, don't think this is an instantaneous change. No, I believe it's going to take some work. However, I am squinting my eyes shut, clutched fists, I'm holding breathe and I'll jump right in when it's time to. Until then, I'll walk the diving board or plank until it's time to jump with trust.

So what are you facing today that is leaving you feeling alone, lost, and totally in despair? Are you looking in the rear view mirror? Are you uncertain of your future too? Be encouraged that you are not alone, we both are not lost, and we definitely are not in depair. We just need to change our perspective and position. We can do it, both you and I; together.  Ready?

I hope this has encouraged you as it has me today. I encourage you to live one moment at a time, one second at a time, accept hardships as a pathway to peace, taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is, not as you would have it; trusting that Jesus will make all things right if you surrender to His will; so that you may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Jesus forever in the next.

~Amen, so let it be



Prayer came from the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr, it speaks volumes at a times of difficulty; yet brings a peace through the words spoken. Feel it?

~Marjorie