Codependent to Interdependent...What's That?

I use to wonder what it meant to be "codependent." I was labeled that for a very long time without really knowing what it meant. So if you are like I was and clueless about this term this is what the Miriam-Webster Dictionary says it is:

Codependency: a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another"

I went to a recovery group "for the other person"and found that I was the one that needed to be rescued. I then made a choice to be only dependent on God. This was a good place to be. I was in God's boot camp. 

Now at least 4 years later, I am still in God's boot camp called "Inter-dependency." 

I heard this word just recently at a marriage conference in Jacksonville called 'Weekend to Remember" hosted by Family Life Today . I literally asked the Lord, "what is that word and what does it have to do with me?" It was as if he replied "I am so glad you asked, Marjorie." That same day, Sunday, the response was given to me. 

I have lived most of my adult life, literally since 18 years of age, in a co-dependent lifestyle. I would always be attracted to the guys that were controlling or manipulative. So, here we are in a new world called "marriage by the Creator."  The women's speaker was gracious enough to give us a visual.  You have two hands.

His hands            Her hands

The fingers represent his strengths and the other fingers are her strengths.  The spaces between the fingers are the weaknesses of the other.  So now, place your fingers against each other.

Together you are both strong, but then shift your hands to where his strengths fit to fill her weaknesses and vice verse. You now have an interdependent relationship.

                 

From the Bing dictionary, interdependent means: depending on each other: unable to exist or survive without each other "interdependent organisms" 2.  with mutually dependent elements: relying on mutual assistance, support, cooperation, or interaction among constituent parts or members.

I read this and thought "wow!"  This is what relationships are suppose to be about.  

I was saddened by the news that friends of mine are headed for the divorce court. Our society is clueless on what a relationship truly means. I was clueless. Our world tells us we are to do what makes us "feel" good and yet doing what makes us "feel" good in the end makes us feel like crap. 

Listen to what I'm saying. We get married because we go on what makes us "feel" good. One day we're arguing and don't "feel" like making things work. We "feel" like divorcing him because he didn't make me "feel" good about myself. 

I am going to get divorced because she doesn't make me "feel" like a man. She is doing her own thing that makes her "feel" good, so I'm going to go out and cheat on her because it makes me  "feel" good.

Wake up world, it's about interdependence and NOT independence or co dependence.

I can only wish I had someone sharing with me the knowledge I now hold. I can hear it now "here comes hurricane 'Marjorie' down the road. People move out of her way." "She is and independent woman on the rampage."
"Oh no, it's been reported that hurricane Marjorie  has just ruined the lives of 3 men or more.  Is there no stopping this beast of a storm?"   "oh boy, children are affected by this monster of a storm too!"

I don't know where you are in your relationship with your self, friends, family, spouse, or ex spouse, but I can tell you that we can all live in an interdependent relationship if we would work a little harder at it.  Winners never quit and quitters never win. 

Want to win at being a good listener?  Want to be a winner instead of a quitter? 

I encourage you to visit the website Family Life Today or listen to them on 91.3 Hope FM weekdays at 6:30pm EST.  Love like you mean it, it will change your life forever!

Be encouraged today to have an interdependent relationship!

Marjorie