Stop Beating Yourself Up and Be Lifted Up

Have you done things in your life that left you feeling so miserable you felt there was no good inside you? Felt dirty inside and no matter the length of the shower or how hot the water got you still felt dirty inside?
I have. I've done things that if my mother knew, she would still send me outside to fetch for a hickory switch and then pop me with it more than once on my behind. I deserve the punishment if she knew. There is nothing worse though than beating my self up; not even a hickory switch.
Can you relate?
BUT GOD! He says there is nothing that I've done (or you) that can keep Him from loving me. Imagine that kind of an unconditional love. I don't know of a man on earth that has that kind of deep and wide love; do you? Jesus is the only one that clean our messes up. 
Recently, the Lord woke me up early in the morning to tell me that I broke his heart. I asked him "how?" He showed me that  previous night I spent time on the computer playing a game "Jewel" online and then after I got bored with that game, I went to my phone and played another game. He showed me how in the mornings I may pray with him, but do not meditate on His Word. I began to cry. The fact that I could break God's heart. God, you know The Creator of the universe? Yes, him.
He cares about our relationship enough to hurt over it.  The next day, he said to me that we, Rodney and I, have not spent time in his Word either. He told me we are grieving him. He says, I have given you many things. I have pulled you out of your pit, I have set  you on a rock, and I have given you a man that loves me more than you. I am moving you from one place to another, but that does not mean that you can't spend time with me. I recognized I was beginning to rely on my own understanding of what should take place, do my own thing, and I began saying "okay, Lord, I got it now."   BUT NO! That is not living a Christ centered life or having a Christ centered relationship. Breaking away from God's word can even put a strain on ones relationship with her spouse. I don't want to give the enemy any stronghold, or open door for him to steal,  kill, or destroy my relations with others. Yet, that is exactly what I was beginning to do.
I am sometimes my worst enemy. 
If you read the book of Psalm you find a lot about wisdom, understanding, patients, kindness, and hope. I was lead to read Psalm 39. David wrote how he was expressive to God about his sins and did not express it those around him. He usually wrote telling of his yucky puckies, but not in this one. David also speaks of trusting in God and having found hope in Him. At one point David was in such anguish that he wanted the time to pass quickly so that he could get over himself. David knew that his only deliverance was going to be found in God. David wanted a close intimate relationship with God and he also knew that he had to repent for his sins so that there was no bearer. God gives blessings but like the end of this poem, David is blessing the Lord.
You see, I was drifting away from God just enough for Him to show me just how my enemy will use the smallest of things to steal us away from our relationships. God pursued David and he pursues us. He came to me in the early morning hour to tell me I hurt him.  In the end, I have been blessing the Lord. Like David wrote.
"But You, O Lord, be merciful to me, and raise me up, That I may repay them (the friend who has come against David or the enemy). By this, I know that You are well pleased with me, Because my enemy does not triumph over me, As for me, You uphold me in my integrity, And set me before Your face forever.  Blessed be the Lord God Israel From everlasting to everlasting! Amen, Amen." Psalm 39:10-13. I encourage you to read the whole chapter.

Isn't it wonderful to know that as your relationship wtih Christ begins to grow, he is there to help you with every enemy, including yourself. He upholds you and cares about every aspect of your life.  Are you spending time wtih him so that He becomes a familiar friend? Is He more real and transparent to you than before you began pursuing Him?  Dear friend, I hope so.

Just as David was not perfect, you are not. Just as the scriptures says "David was a man after God's own heart." Can you place your name where David's is in that statement?  I hope so. I encourage you to press inward into a love relationship with Christ. He is desiring to be closer to you than a brother. Keep pressing forward for the prize.