Codependent to Interdependent...What's That?

I use to wonder what it meant to be "codependent." I was labeled that for a very long time without really knowing what it meant. So if you are like I was and clueless about this term this is what the Miriam-Webster Dictionary says it is:

Codependency: a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another"

I went to a recovery group "for the other person"and found that I was the one that needed to be rescued. I then made a choice to be only dependent on God. This was a good place to be. I was in God's boot camp. 

Now at least 4 years later, I am still in God's boot camp called "Inter-dependency." 

I heard this word just recently at a marriage conference in Jacksonville called 'Weekend to Remember" hosted by Family Life Today . I literally asked the Lord, "what is that word and what does it have to do with me?" It was as if he replied "I am so glad you asked, Marjorie." That same day, Sunday, the response was given to me. 

I have lived most of my adult life, literally since 18 years of age, in a co-dependent lifestyle. I would always be attracted to the guys that were controlling or manipulative. So, here we are in a new world called "marriage by the Creator."  The women's speaker was gracious enough to give us a visual.  You have two hands.

His hands            Her hands

The fingers represent his strengths and the other fingers are her strengths.  The spaces between the fingers are the weaknesses of the other.  So now, place your fingers against each other.

Together you are both strong, but then shift your hands to where his strengths fit to fill her weaknesses and vice verse. You now have an interdependent relationship.

                 

From the Bing dictionary, interdependent means: depending on each other: unable to exist or survive without each other "interdependent organisms" 2.  with mutually dependent elements: relying on mutual assistance, support, cooperation, or interaction among constituent parts or members.

I read this and thought "wow!"  This is what relationships are suppose to be about.  

I was saddened by the news that friends of mine are headed for the divorce court. Our society is clueless on what a relationship truly means. I was clueless. Our world tells us we are to do what makes us "feel" good and yet doing what makes us "feel" good in the end makes us feel like crap. 

Listen to what I'm saying. We get married because we go on what makes us "feel" good. One day we're arguing and don't "feel" like making things work. We "feel" like divorcing him because he didn't make me "feel" good about myself. 

I am going to get divorced because she doesn't make me "feel" like a man. She is doing her own thing that makes her "feel" good, so I'm going to go out and cheat on her because it makes me  "feel" good.

Wake up world, it's about interdependence and NOT independence or co dependence.

I can only wish I had someone sharing with me the knowledge I now hold. I can hear it now "here comes hurricane 'Marjorie' down the road. People move out of her way." "She is and independent woman on the rampage."
"Oh no, it's been reported that hurricane Marjorie  has just ruined the lives of 3 men or more.  Is there no stopping this beast of a storm?"   "oh boy, children are affected by this monster of a storm too!"

I don't know where you are in your relationship with your self, friends, family, spouse, or ex spouse, but I can tell you that we can all live in an interdependent relationship if we would work a little harder at it.  Winners never quit and quitters never win. 

Want to win at being a good listener?  Want to be a winner instead of a quitter? 

I encourage you to visit the website Family Life Today or listen to them on 91.3 Hope FM weekdays at 6:30pm EST.  Love like you mean it, it will change your life forever!

Be encouraged today to have an interdependent relationship!

Marjorie

Stop Beating Yourself Up and Be Lifted Up

Have you done things in your life that left you feeling so miserable you felt there was no good inside you? Felt dirty inside and no matter the length of the shower or how hot the water got you still felt dirty inside?
I have. I've done things that if my mother knew, she would still send me outside to fetch for a hickory switch and then pop me with it more than once on my behind. I deserve the punishment if she knew. There is nothing worse though than beating my self up; not even a hickory switch.
Can you relate?
BUT GOD! He says there is nothing that I've done (or you) that can keep Him from loving me. Imagine that kind of an unconditional love. I don't know of a man on earth that has that kind of deep and wide love; do you? Jesus is the only one that clean our messes up. 
Recently, the Lord woke me up early in the morning to tell me that I broke his heart. I asked him "how?" He showed me that  previous night I spent time on the computer playing a game "Jewel" online and then after I got bored with that game, I went to my phone and played another game. He showed me how in the mornings I may pray with him, but do not meditate on His Word. I began to cry. The fact that I could break God's heart. God, you know The Creator of the universe? Yes, him.
He cares about our relationship enough to hurt over it.  The next day, he said to me that we, Rodney and I, have not spent time in his Word either. He told me we are grieving him. He says, I have given you many things. I have pulled you out of your pit, I have set  you on a rock, and I have given you a man that loves me more than you. I am moving you from one place to another, but that does not mean that you can't spend time with me. I recognized I was beginning to rely on my own understanding of what should take place, do my own thing, and I began saying "okay, Lord, I got it now."   BUT NO! That is not living a Christ centered life or having a Christ centered relationship. Breaking away from God's word can even put a strain on ones relationship with her spouse. I don't want to give the enemy any stronghold, or open door for him to steal,  kill, or destroy my relations with others. Yet, that is exactly what I was beginning to do.
I am sometimes my worst enemy. 
If you read the book of Psalm you find a lot about wisdom, understanding, patients, kindness, and hope. I was lead to read Psalm 39. David wrote how he was expressive to God about his sins and did not express it those around him. He usually wrote telling of his yucky puckies, but not in this one. David also speaks of trusting in God and having found hope in Him. At one point David was in such anguish that he wanted the time to pass quickly so that he could get over himself. David knew that his only deliverance was going to be found in God. David wanted a close intimate relationship with God and he also knew that he had to repent for his sins so that there was no bearer. God gives blessings but like the end of this poem, David is blessing the Lord.
You see, I was drifting away from God just enough for Him to show me just how my enemy will use the smallest of things to steal us away from our relationships. God pursued David and he pursues us. He came to me in the early morning hour to tell me I hurt him.  In the end, I have been blessing the Lord. Like David wrote.
"But You, O Lord, be merciful to me, and raise me up, That I may repay them (the friend who has come against David or the enemy). By this, I know that You are well pleased with me, Because my enemy does not triumph over me, As for me, You uphold me in my integrity, And set me before Your face forever.  Blessed be the Lord God Israel From everlasting to everlasting! Amen, Amen." Psalm 39:10-13. I encourage you to read the whole chapter.

Isn't it wonderful to know that as your relationship wtih Christ begins to grow, he is there to help you with every enemy, including yourself. He upholds you and cares about every aspect of your life.  Are you spending time wtih him so that He becomes a familiar friend? Is He more real and transparent to you than before you began pursuing Him?  Dear friend, I hope so.

Just as David was not perfect, you are not. Just as the scriptures says "David was a man after God's own heart." Can you place your name where David's is in that statement?  I hope so. I encourage you to press inward into a love relationship with Christ. He is desiring to be closer to you than a brother. Keep pressing forward for the prize.